I did my leg dressings today, I'm now in a lot of pain though. I'm in pain all the time but it's usually a bit worse after I've dressed them, suppose it's all the fussing and contact with them with cleaning them and all that shit. It's not the nicest of things I have to do that's for sure. I have chronic bi-lateral leg ulcers on both legs. It's actually just one huge mutha-fucker of an ulcer on each leg. I've had them for over 7 years now. It's shit. I've spent the last 7 years covered in bandages from my toes to my knees 24 fucking 7. There's about 6 layers of dressings. Safe to say I've not worn a skirt or a dress since I've had them! Not that I'm that bothered, it only gets to me when there's like some event or something where I would have worn something short and sexy once upon a time. So I live in jeans.
Not to sound too big headed but I'm not ugly, I'm not beautiful either but I'm not a minger so I'm lucky that people cant always tell I have a disability. I dont really go out unless I can move about alright or I have college, so people dont see me when I'm in tears and struggling. It's proper shit actually, some days I cant even get 15 feet from my bed to the bloody toilet without crying.
But then there are good days, and on those days it can seem like I dont have a problem at all. I like those days, but I probably dont take advantage of them as much as I should. It doesn't help being skint though!! I know there are loads of people without money but when I dont have any money I really dont have any money. I dont have a credit card I can use so when I'm out of milk I cant just pop down the shops and pick up a pint like the next person.
I'm just proper shit with money, it wasn't always like this. I used to be well good with money, I'd save for things and I usually always had money and I was generous with it too. Now I'm always skint and I'm tighter than.... something that's really tight - couldn't think of anything good, sorry!
I reckon a lot of it's to do with being a drug addict. When I was smack bang in it, on the streets, making money every day, all day and only buying drugs, I didn't need money for anything else. i usually either stole stuff I needed or got it free from various organisations or good will people - it's surprising how many people will actually give you stuff when your on road. There are some really nice people out there, there are some right bastards too, same with every area of life I suppose, but when you are on the streets you want to trust people but experience usually makes it hard to do that.
Anyway, enough about all that for now.I have college in the morning so I better get my head down.
Time to fly off to fairy land, never never land..
Nighty Night x x x
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